


No Heaven Without You

by lightinthehall



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-13
Updated: 2011-12-13
Packaged: 2017-10-27 07:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/292948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightinthehall/pseuds/lightinthehall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are five people you meet in heaven. Five people who bring clarity, relief and absolution to your time on Earth, and they are people who changed you through their lives, deaths... or their love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Heaven Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.  
> Loosely based on ideas from the novel The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom.

The scene unfolds like a pop-up book. The front wall of the building is pulled upwards from the ground in front of Alfred's feet, and the other three walls join it, enclosing the space. Trees are brought to stand, taking root in the soil and grass that had risen up just as suddenly. Concrete paves itself under his feet.

The air smells of coffee and baked goods.

The environment settles around him and Alfred is aware of his pounding heartbeat. He's on a too familiar street and he knows that if he turns around, he will see the old hospital he used to work at. But Alfred finds he can't bring himself to turn away from the café in front of him.

Strangely enough, it's daylight but the building's doors and windows remain dark, as if the glass were impenetrable even to the sunlight. The glass door swings open gently on its own, revealing the same unsettling darkness.

Alfred, breathless with anticipation, walks forward and steps into the blackness. The dark passes over him like a weightless curtain and Alfred has to shield his eyes because the room is _lit_ , bright and brilliant like sunshine at first, and then adjusts to dimmer, retina-friendly lighting.

The room was large but cozy with a couple small, round tables arranged within it. In the corner squishy armchairs surrounded a bookshelf with well-worn favourites and Alfred knows that the copy of _Harry_ _Potter_ sitting on the shelf has a chocolate stain on the page where Harry wins his first Quidditch match. Alfred had not been able to contain himself and cheered, throwing his hands up in joy and dropping bits of his chocolate chip muffin onto the page. He had tried to wipe it off only to smudge it further. In fact, Alfred has probably irreparably marked most of the books on that shelf.

"The usual?" a voice asks.

The young man at the counter is leaning on his elbows against the surface, arms resting beside the till and the jar that read "FEAR CHANGE? LEAVE IT WITH US". His blond hair is tied back and loose strands waved around his ears. Light, violet eyes shone in the light. There was a gentle smile on his face.

 _Matthew_.

Matthew doesn't wait for a response as he ducks behind the counter. "You look good, by the way," Matthew says, as soon as he's out of sight. Alfred looks and finds a mirror on the wall to his right. It's true - he's young again. He's standing straight and tall and his short, messily attractive blond hair was back. Complete with cheery blue eyes,he was every bit the handsome doctor that the hospital staff swooned over.The other man pulls out a large coffee cup depicting the American flag. It was a cheesy design but it was Alfred's and he loved it.

Alfred watches Matthew work in smooth, practiced motions - grabbing ingredients without turning his head. He hums an old song while he works, one that Alfred cannot quite place.

"Grab a seat. Go on." Alfred takes the nearest wooden chair facing away from the windows. Matthew produces a second cup and makes himself a drink. He carries them over to the table and places the patriotic mug in front of Alfred.

Alfred wraps his hands around the warm mug and sees that his old friend is wearing a fashionably striped white dress shirt and dark jeans under his bold, red apron. He is exactly as Alfred remembers him.

"Matthew. Matthew - I... I missed you." And that's all he can manage because what exactly do you say to your long-dead best friend who you happen to be in love with? There was too much. All of it inadequate. _I should tell him I love him! Do people get rejected in heaven?_ _Is that the lesson Matthew's been sent to teach him?_    

Matthew kisses him.

It’s merely a peck, but Alfred’s brain short-circuits in the best way. And he thinks that if heaven is worn books, maple lattes and _Matthew_ , Alfred wants to stay forever. It’s over too soon and all he can manage to do is gape back at him in surprise.

“What, you’ve always wanted to, haven’t you?” Matthew chuckles. There is no smugness, no arrogance - but his eyes read: _I know this. I know you. I always have._

This is the moment when Alfred, the newly dead - _or has it been a while already, he can’t tell_ \- understands. He’s nothing but a man in love and all at once he is nodding eagerly and leaning in for more kisses.

The entire exchange is chaste and lovely and pure but Matthew leaves Alfred feeling sinfully pleasant all the same.

"We should've done this sooner," Alfred grins. Their hands are joined together on top of the table, mugs placed aside, forgotten. Knees knock against each other to a non-rhythm.

"Maybe if we hadn't been so dense and you realized you loved me _before_ I died." _So direct_ _as always_.

The spoken truth brings a silence that cuts them both. They feel as if they had been time's playthings. A tragedy that happened too early, a love discovered too late. And when time becomes too abstract to blame, human nature turns in upon itself. Guilt builds up, regret rushes in and the mind becomes a chorus of _my fault_ 's and _if only_ 's _._

They had both waited too long and missed their chance in life and they knew it. Alfred pulls himself out of it, because he messed up and he's going to make it work _now,_ _damn it_.  However, Matthew, more prone to getting caught in whirlpools of self-blame, opens his mouth.

Alfred stops him with a firm kiss.

"Don't say sorry." This time, his eyes meet Matthew's:  _See? I know you too._

\---

                _It was the first time Alfred had killed a man. The patient was the father of two lovely children and had been complaining of chest pain. It was obvious and routine so Alfred quickly diagnosed him without glancing at the patient chart. It was his first year working at the hospital and he was doing well._

 _So well that he became careless._

 _The drugs that Alfred prescribed reacted badly to the medications the man had already been on. Medications that were clearly listed on the chart he had neglected to check._

 _The man began to code later that day, bringing the team of nurses and doctors scrambling around his bed but there was nothing they could do._

 _His superior was furious, but no one was harder on himself than Alfred._

 _He stopped smiling, eating and he couldn't sleep. His family and co-workers tried to talk to him, and eventually gave up. All he could think about was that man and his now, fatherless children. He could've prevented it, he should've saved him. He gave up trying to sleep. He lost all confidence in his skills, his patients began requesting different doctors. By the end of the month, he had his resignation letter typed out._

 _The day he was to hand the letter in, was the day he met Matthew._

 _Matthew had been accompanying his co-worker Lukas to the hospital. An incident with the milk steamer that resulted in burns up and down Lukas' arms. Alfred walked right into Matthew as he was leaving the private room._

 _"Sorry I didn't see you there," Alfred mumbled, not stopping until Matthew grabbed onto his arm. His eyes were blood-shot, his hair was a mess, and he dressed like a mountain-climber who happened upon a grizzly bear._

 _"Are you alright? If you're looking for a doctor you should -" At the mention of his profession, Alfred snapped._

 _"Look I'm not here to see a doctor - just mind your own business buddy!"_

 _Matthew retracted his hand and frowned. Alfred felt a twinge of regret, that frown looked out of place on the other man._

 _"I AM a doctor. Or was. I'm quitting and I'm never coming back to this awful place."_

 _"And why would you do that?"_

 _Alfred found himself explaining everything and once he bore his soul to Matthew, he couldn't seem to stop. And the other man listened to it all. It was an intoxicating feeling._

 _"I think that man was lucky to have you as his doctor."_

 _"He - what?! I killed him. How can you say that?" Alfred said in disbelief._

 _"Not all doctors care about their patients this much. Most just brush it off and move on. For it to cause you this much agony... it's a good thing. It means you're still human. And humans make mistakes, even doctors. The day you stop feeling this way is the day you should really be worried about yourself."_

 _Alfred was stunned into silence._

 _From then on, they were friends._

 _He learned that Matthew owned and worked at the café across the street and began spending all of his breaks there. He learned that Matthew had graduated from a Canadian university with a Master's in Mathematics but preferred guest lecturing and tutoring as opposed to regular teaching. He learned that Matthew liked hockey, maple everything and his dog, Kumajirou. He learned that Matthew was just as lonely as he was._

 _He never did hand in that resignation letter._

\---

They sit together for a long time. Alfred tells Matthew stories from his life, stopping every now and then to kiss him. Just like before, nobody listens better than Matthew. At some point, Matthew ends up on Alfred's lap. Eventually conversation dissolves into heated kisses, touches and murmured endearments.

                 It feels as if every particle he owns is trying to pull Matthew towards him. His body hums with that feeling and Alfred is enthralled. There is a gravity between them that goes beyond the laws of physics and belongs solely to the heart - bending and pulling at his soul.

                Alfred wants to share this realization with Matthew so badly but notices something makes his very being freeze.

                "You're disappearing."

                Matthew lifts a hand to inspect it. He is calm.

                "Time's up. You have one more person to see." Matthew tries to stand but Alfred traps him in his arms.

                "What - no, I want to stay with you! I can't - I can't say goodbye again." Alfred could care less about this fifth person - whoever they were.

                "Then don't." He looks straight at him blunt and honest.

                Desperate and not understanding, Alfred tightens his grip  but Matthew's but a blurry projection of light now. He resembles a ghost.

                "Matthew... _please_. I lived thirty years without you." He wants, no - _wills_ his words to bring Matthew back to visible form. Chain him to his own existence.

                By now the coffee shop is fading too, almost as if Matthew is taking it with him.

                "You've always wanted to change things you can't control. It's not up to me." His body is fading but his voice stays clear. The weight on Alfred's lap begins to lighten and he is forced to stand as the chair beneath him dissolves into nothing. Ever the stubborn one, he keeps his arms up, encircling what's left of Matthew.

                "Will I see you again? Afterwards?" _There is no heaven without you_.

                "That's not up to me either." Alfred feels the faintest pressure nuzzle his nose.

                Then everything disappears completely into the white background.

                But Alfred still hears Matthew's parting words.

                _It's up to you_.

                He takes that as a promise of eternity together, because Alfred wants nothing less.

                Resigning to heaven's will, he breathes in what remains of the smell of coffee, sweets and Matthew as the universe rearranges itself around him once again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Matthew is the fourth person Alfred meets and so even though I only wrote this part, I wanted this to feel like an excerpt from a larger story.
> 
> I wrote this six months ago, but I never posted the whole fic and no matter how cheesy it is, this piece is important to me because - first AmeCan fic! :) I didn't have the heart to completely redo it. First half originally posted to tumblr.


End file.
